Broken
by Marish89
Summary: Olivia runs away from the city and her life, but will Elliot be able to find her before time destroys her soul?
1. Hurt

**Hurt**

As she looked back on the horizon of the city she was leaving, she was suddenly overcome by a flood of regret and despair. She didn't want to leave behind the only things she knew, she didn't want to leave her family behind but she knew that she could no longer stay in this city, not after he had said those things to her. Running was her only chance at survival.

_**Flashback Begin **_

_Olivia sat on the couch, staring out the window at the city lights, watching the rain come down in torrents, flooding away the evidence of the heart-breaking case. A load knock on the door startled her out of her riviere. She knew who it was, and since she had no intention of speaking to him, she made no effort to move from the couch and open the door. A few seconds later a loud call echoed through the door. _

"_Liv! Stop being a stubborn idiot and open the damn door!" Elliot yelled through the wood, hoping to spark some sort of anger within her. _

_Olivia ignored the call, and stayed firmly seated on the couch, tears softly trailing down her cheeks. _

"_Olivia, if you want to sulk, that's fine, just let me know when you're done so we can be partners again. I don't want to have to come and rescue you all the damn time!" he yelled at her once more. _

_This sparked a fierce reaction within Olivia, and she jumped off the couch, opened the door and struck Elliot firmly across the cheek. _

"_You son of a bitch! I can't believe you. I stand by you when everyone else would have walked away, I help you though you refuse to be helped and I comforted you when you needed it, and you repay me by insulting me, and taking away the only thing I have left?" She yelled viciously. _

"_You follow me around like a lost puppy and you say you still have dignity? You keep running back to me and you say you're still independent? You busy yourself in my business when I don't want you to, and you say that you do it because you care, when you know it hurts me more to let you know what's going on. How can you say you care about me if all you do it hurt me or force me to hurt others because of you?" _

_Tears that she was valiantly trying to hold back, overcame her strong control and flowed freely and unchecked down her face. _

"_I do it because I care," she whispered softly, "I try to help you because I respect you, I try to comfort you because I know you're in pain and you won't talk to anyone about it. I try to talk to you because I know if you do it will get better." _

"_So you don't care if it hurts me more? You don't care if it hurts others? You do it because you want to feel like your helping somebody when all you've done in your life is hurt people. Yeah, I can really see that you care, Olivia!" he yelled, rage encompassing every part of him, not leaving room for hurt or care. _

_Olivia looked stunned, and her tears instantly vanished. She had told him about her past because she thought that she could trust him. She had finally been able to trust somebody in her life, and just like everyone else he had broken that trust. Only this time it was different, because her trust wasn't the only thing that was broken. Her heart had shattered as he had uttered those last few words, and she doubted it would ever recover. _

"_Get out!" she whispered angrily. He didn't move, "Get out! OUT! GET OUT OF HERE AND DON"T YOU EVER COME BACK!" He remained where he was, as if frozen to the same spot, "GET OUT!!" she yelled so loudly, she thought her vocal chords had torn. _

"'_Livia," he tried gently, stepping forward and reaching out to touch her. Olivia visibly flinched and he stopped. She had never recoiled and backed away from him before. _

"_Get out," she said again. _

_Elliot looked at her, tears were rolling down her cheeks at lightening speed, but she didn't seem to notice, or simply didn't care. She was huddled into the corner of the sofa, her legs pulled tightly in front of her, her arms wrapped firmly around them. He turned to leave, and with his hand on the door, looked back at her. _

"_I'm sorry," he whispered, and then he was gone. _

_**Flashback End **_

The airport was buzzing with people, but she didn't seem to care. Anything to take her mind of the pain in her heart was welcome. She looked around her and realized that she had no idea of where she was going. Her car was still in the parking lot and she hadn't packed anything to take with her, except for a few sentimental artefacts. The remainder of her belongings were in her apartment, which she still wanted to keep, regardless of whether or not she would ever return back to this city.

She glanced at the departures board. A flight to Oregon was leaving in half an hour. It was the furthest she could get away from him in this short amount of time but it was enough. When she boarded the plane, she felt a slight tug in her chest. A small amount of regret was begrudging her but she merely ignored it.

He didn't deserve to be her friend, he didn't deserve her comfort and support, and he certainly didn't deserve her love. But her friends, they were the innocent victims in all of this. She decided that as soon as she had found appropriate accommodation in Oregon, she would contact John, Fin, Don, Casey, Melinda and Alex. She contemplated contacting George but decided not to as she was not that close to him. She also resolved to make her friends promise not to tell Elliot of her whereabouts. The last thing she needed when she was recovering from a broken heart, was the person who broke it finding her.

As the plane took off, she reflected on her first meeting with Elliot.

_**Flashback Begin **_

"_Stabler," the captain called from inside his office. _

_Elliot stood slowly, rather reluctant to meet his new partner, who he had been told was female, young and naïve. Though her file was filled with commendations and she had quickly progressed through the ranks to Detective and has requested the assignment to SVU. _

_Elliot walked through the door and stopped still, the woman sitting on the edge of Cragen's desk was much younger than he thought. He made a mental note to check her age again when he went back to his desk. _

"_Elliot," Don said, "This is Olivia Benson. Olivia, this is Elliot Stabler." _

_Olivia held out her hand for him to shake, but when he didn't take it, dropped it to her side dejectedly. _

"_Nice to meet you," she said, with an unamused tone in her voice. _

"_Yeah, you too." Elliot said quickly before heading out the door again. _

_Before he could leave, Don had called him back. "Elliot, you need to fill in your partner of all your cases." The captain signalled for Olivia to leave them. "I'll see you later," she said to Elliot, while giving Don a hug. _

"_What the hell?" Elliot asked, apparently annoyed, "She's a kid. She's barely 25 years old and why the hell did she give you a hug? How do you know her?" _

"_How much of her personnel file have you read?" Cragen asked gently. _

"_Dunno, not much. You can't put me with her, she's too young!" he said once more indignant. _

"_Elliot read her file before you dismiss her. If you read it, you'll find the answers to most of your questions. Now be nice and get to work." The captain then dismissed him. _

"_Come on Benson," Elliot said disgustedly, "We're going to track down a lead. You do know what that is right?" _

"_Stabler, look. I know you think I'm young and incompetent. But let me assure you I got here by my own merit and not any other way. And before you talk about how I've had a loving childhood and I don't know what the victims go through, you might want to read my personnel file because I can guarantee that I know more about that than you do. So don't use that tone with me until you know what you're talking about." Olivia said angrily. _

"_Alright," Elliot said, suddenly friendly, "You've got some gumption. Let's go!" _

_**Flashback End **_

Olivia laughed quietly to herself as she thought about what they had learnt about each other that day. Though it took her a very long time to open up to him about her past, almost two years, when he had found out, he hadn't held it against her until last night.

As the thought of what he had said to her gripped her, she felt gentle tears begin to cascade down her cheeks. _How could he have been that mean? How could he have been that horrible to her? _She had thought that he had cared about her, but apparently she had been wrong. It seemed like his whole purpose was to gain her trust and bring her to a new all time low.

She remembered another time when she had doubted her worth and existence. An ex-prison inmate had had a serious grudge against her and was killing people to get back at her. She had felt horrid, but had refused a protective detail from Franklin (FBI), Don and Elliot. But Elliot had gone behind her back and ordered one anyway. She had confronted him and told him that she 'deserved better than that, especially from him', but he had made a comment to the effect that she was stupid. It had taken weeks after that for her to open up to Elliot again, and he had made no effort for the first few days to rectify the problem until Munch had berated him for his idiocy.

As she was sitting here, she secretly hoped that Munch would criticize and scold him again on her behalf. She truly felt that he deserved it this time, and if he had any idea of the hurt that he had caused her he would accept that scolding willingly.

The plane landed and Olivia walked out, thoroughly traumatized by the memories that she had allowed herself to remember about Elliot. She walked over to the taxi rank and recognised a familiar face. _No! _she thought anxiously,_ I didn't tell anyone I was coming here! How could he know where I am? Of course he knows where you are, she berated herself, he learnt everything about you so he could hurt you remember? _

As quickly as she could she climbed into a cab and directed the cab driver to drive away as fast as he possible could, not caring if the speed was dangerous. She had to get away!


	2. Running Away

**Running Away**

She didn't know where she was going, it didn't matter anymore. All she was aware of was the tears flying down her cheeks and the feeling that she had to escape. As the cab drove at reckless speeds under her command, she sat in the backseat, tightly curled into a ball, as if to protect her from the onslaught of emotion that was bursting to break free.

Up and down main streets and alleys the cab drove, eventually coming to a stop, she hopped was far enough from the airport and any of the memories that she had left behind. She quickly paid the driver and hurried into the hotel, as if afraid that she stayed too long outside, someone would recognize her. She stopped by the lobby, gave a false name, that she hoped couldn't be traced to her and hurried into the elevator and then her room, where she collapsed on the bed, exhausted.

When she woke up the following morning, she was momentarily disoriented, not recognizing her surroundings. After a few confusing seconds, the events of the previous day caught up with her, and soft tears began to fall down her cheeks. She didn't understand why she was crying, she just knew that this flood of emotion was new and she hated it.

She reflected on when she had first known that she had loved Elliot. It had been in the second year that she had been partnered with Elliot. The convict, a man named Roger Silver, had been holding a gun against his wife, and then made to pull the trigger at her partner. She had shot him, directly in the chest, but had never regretted because she knew that if her partner died, she would not survive.

Now that he had broken her heart, however, she was beginning to doubt that. He didn't need to be dead for him to break her heart. Every time that his wife had shown up at the station, she had been jealous but able to keep it under control. Every time that he had mentioned Kathy, she had felt her heart crack slightly, but it had always mended shortly after when he comforted her, gone out with her, or called her just to check on her safety.

Knowing that the only way she could heal was to reflect on her memories and eventually when she thought about him, she wouldn't be overwhelmed by sadness, despair and heartache.

_**Flashback Begin**_

_A rape victim had come forward, and after explaining what had happened, had declared that it was her fault._

"_It's never your fault," Olivia assured the victim. _

"_You don't understand. I'm evil. My father raped my mother, I'm the reason she committed suicide. It's my entire fault."_

"_Trust me, I do understand." Olivia had said quietly, and pulled Elliot aside and requested that he leave her and the victim alone. _

"_I do understand. I'm also a child of rape. I know what that guilt is like."_

'_What did you mother say to you?" the girl asked._

"_She told me everyday that I was a mistake. That I was no good, that I should have been dead. She drank every night and beat me regularly. Trust me; I know what it is like."_

"_My mother told me everyday that I should kill myself to save her the pain. I tried so many times, but it was like there was something stopping me. I wish it would have worked, then I wouldn't be here."_

"_Don't say that." Olivia said gently, though still stern, "You might think that you're a mistake but you always make a difference in someone's life and without you that difference wouldn't have been made. Out of every bad situation comes something good, so don't dismiss yourself that easily."_

"_Thank you! You have no idea what a relief it is to talk to someone that knows what I'm going through. Thank you very much, detective." _

_After they had left the hospital, Olivia had been very quiet. Elliot, ever curious, asked her what she was thinking about._

"_My birth," she had answered simply._

"_What? It's not like you can remember it, so what good is it thinking about it?" Elliot asked gently._

"_Not so much the actual birth, but the nature of my conception." She muttered._

"_What do you mean?" Elliot asked, there was something not right about that statement._

"_I'm a child of rape. My mother was raped, and I never knew my father." She said quietly, her voice breaking as she shared her painful secret with someone that didn't share her past. _

"_Oh, I'm sorry Olivia" Elliot said apologetically, though this was apparently not the right thing to say. _

"_I don't need your pity!" she spat angrily._

"_I'm not pitying you." He stated, "I'm just saying that I'm sorry you had to grow up with something that painful buried within you."_

"_Oh," she whispered. "You know she was right."_

"_Who was?"_

"_The victim. We only cause people pain, so why were we even allowed to be born?"_

"_Don't say that. Don't you dare say that Olivia." He said hurt and angry, though he didn't understand why "If you weren't born, we wouldn't get these people off the streets. If you weren't born, you wouldn't have been able to help that victim. If you weren't born I would still be fighting with Kathy. If it weren't for you Don would still be an alcoholic," he held up his hand as he saw her open her mouth to interrupt. "and Munch would still be depressed from his divorce. You've helped a lot of people, Liv. It's time you realized that!"_

"_Thank you." She whispered quietly, her response was soft but the sincerity and force of her statement rebounded deep within him._

_**Flashback End**_

She decided that she needed a shower before she reflected upon her next memory. She turned on the water and undressed, but before she could get in she heard a knock on the door, ignoring it, she stepped under the warm spray of the shower. Her body began to prune when she got out, and after drying herself off, she changed back into her clothing, laying on the bed once more. A persistent knocking on the door changed her mind, and she walked over to it. Looking through the peep hole, she gasped as she recognized the person standing on the other side.


	3. Found

**Found**

_A/N: The man she saw looked like Elliot, but it wasn't him. Sorry for the confusion. _

She took a deep breath, before slowly opening the door.

"What are you doing here, John?" she asked quietly, stepping aside so he could enter the room, "How did you find me?"

"I know you Liv," Munch said as he sat gently on the bed, "I overheard Elliot telling Don about your argument. Gosh, was he pissed. Don yelled at him for being such an idiot. We all knew you were going to go to Oregon. I mean where else would you go?"

Olivia shook her head, knowing that if they all knew where she was, Elliot would be knocking on her door anytime soon. As if he knew what she was thinking Munch spoke.

"Cragen ordered him not to come after you. If he did, he was going to be written up on insubordination and be fired. Elliot decided not to risk it." _  
_

"John, I'm leaving tomorrow. I'll tell you where I go as long as you don't tell Elliot. You can tell anyone else, just please, not him!" she begged.

John looked shocked. In all the time that he had known Olivia, she had never sounded so vulnerable and she had never begged for anything before. He knew when he got back, he was going to do some serious 'talking' with Elliot.

"Liv, what happened?" she asked gently, resting a hand on hers. She grasped his hand tightly, as if it would shelter her from the ache that now resided within her.

"We fought. I mean, the things he usually says, they hurt but this just hurt a little too much." She said, not quite telling the truth but not really lying either.

"Is that all it is?" he asked, knowing full well it wasn't. If Olivia hadn't been so broken, she would have called him on it.

"He preyed on my worst fear. He turned it into reality. I thought I could trust him." She said dejectedly, "I really thought that he cared for me. Gosh, I'm such an idiot." She shook her head, self-depreciatingly.

"Liv, he does care for you. He just wanted you to fight, and when you did he lost control. You have to know that he cares for you. You have to."

Olivia shook her head, and replied stubbornly, "If he cared about me, even the slightest bit, he wouldn't have said those things. He wouldn't have." She repeated, almost as if she was trying to convince herself.

"You know Elliot, you know him better than the rest of us. When he's mad, he says things he doesn't mean, we all do. You probably said things that you regret too." He said, hoping he was right.

"I regret that I told him that I care. I regret telling him that he could always come to me. I regret telling him about my past, but I don't regret telling him to get out and never come back. He hurt me John, he really hurt me."

"Liv." He sighed exasperatedly, "you don't mean that." He paused, watching her shake her head slightly, "You know that you don't mean that. If you really regretted it, would you really be running away? Would you really care about what he thought? You wouldn't. It's because you care and you don't mean that, that's why you run, that's why you're hurt, that's why you're shattered."

"I'm not shattered." She said, knowing that John had her spot on, "I don't care," she saw his disbelieving look, "Okay," she admitted, "maybe I do care, but I am not shattered. My heart might be, my soul might be but I'm stronger than that." She paused, "I have to be." She whispered.

"Liv," he said gently. He knew whatever Elliot had said must have done some serious damage to have hurt her this much, "What exactly did he say?"

"He," she tried to stifle a sob unsuccessfully, and tears rolled down her cheeks. "He said it was my fault everyone got hurt. He said," she paused, as she looked fearfully into Munch's face, hoping not to find any sign of judgment, "He said all I'd ever done in my life was hurt people. Gosh, I can't believe I was so stupid!" she said angrily to herself.

"You know that's not true." John said, trying to keep his anger at bay, knowing it was the last thing she needed. "You help people everyday. You helped me get through my divorce, you helped Fin reconnect with his son, you saved Cragen from the bottle, and even if Elliot won't admit it, you helped him through the divorce. All you do is good, Olivia."

"You're wrong!" she said stubbornly, "All I do is hurt people, I might have done those things, but I hurt you too. I couldn't help you when you got shot. I should have had Fin's back when he got shot and I've caused Don so many problems with IAB. And I don't even need to mention Elliot. I couldn't help him fix his marriage, I couldn't help him with IAB, I couldn't help him from almost getting killed by that rapist, I couldn't help him at the court house, I couldn't help him from getting charged with murder. I couldn't help him with anything. I know I deserved it, but the way he said those things was horrible." She said tears now flowing freely down her cheeks, her eyes red from crying and her nosy incredibly stuffy. "I couldn't - " she continued but Munch couldn't stand it any longer.

"Liv, stop! None of that is true. We're not your responsibility, yet you take care of us, up and beyond the call of duty, and we are all thankful for that, including Elliot." Olivia shook her head determined not to believe him.

Knowing he wouldn't get any further tonight, he said gently, "Why don't you have a nap. I'll wake you in a couple of hours."

She nodded, and moved toward the bed, where John gently tucked her in and kissed her forehead in a brotherly fashion. As he turned to leave, a hand reached out and held on tightly, "Please," she whispered, suddenly terrified to be alone, "don't leave me!".

"I won't. I promise, now go and get some sleep."

A few minutes later, he heard her breathing even out. Making sure that she was fully asleep, he got up and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him and taking out his cell.

"Cragen," the voice on the other side said anxiously.

"Cap," Munch began, "It's not working. She actually believes that she deserved those things he said to her. I don't know what to try now."

"Have you tried telling her all the good she's done? How she helped people? That we love and support her? Have you - "

"Cap, trust me, I've tried everything I know. You know Liv, once she's stuck with one idea, she's stuck with it. Elliot has been the only one who was able to change her mind, or comfort her when she was depressed, but he's kind of out of the question in this case."

"No, actually, that might be a good idea."

"What? Get them to fight so he can hurt her more? Great idea." He said sarcastically.

"No, get him there, show him what he's done to her. Maybe it will open his eyes a little."

"I dunno, I don't think she's strong enough for another brutal encounter with Elliot."

"John, you know Olivia. She'll start to self destruct if we don't do something soon. It might be brutal, but she can do two things now. She can either come back with him, or she can completely cut him off. Both of which, would be very beneficial to her and help her to move on."

"Okay. What time will he be here?"

"Morning. I'll get him to call you when he's arrived."

They both hung up. Munch opened the bathroom door to find Olivia standing outside it, looking worried.

"Who will be where when?" she asked, having some idea what the answer was going to be and not liking it.

"No one. It doesn't matter, Liv. Go back to sleep." He felt horrible lying to her, but knew it was only for her benefit.

"No. Tell me!"

"Don will be here tomorrow."

"No he won't. Elliot will be. I know you better than that. I thought I could trust you Munch, but you lied to me, just like HE did."

"Olivia, it's for you. It's to help you."

"I don't want your help. Leave me alone." He said turning her back on him and ducking back underneath the covers of the bed.

"Goodnight, Liv." He said gently, before seating himself in a chair knowing that tomorrow was going to be brutal for her. He just hoped their plan would work.


	4. Brutal Honesty

**Brutal Honesty**

When Olivia woke the following morning, she was glad of Munch's company, regardless of how they had parted last night. She had woken up many times during the night, and each time she had wanted to run, but knew that this was the only way that she could get on with her life. Confront him and let him go. She knew the first stage would be easy, the second, she thought, almost impossible. But she was going to try; it was her only chance at survival.

"What happens now?" she asked John, quietly, positive that he would try to manipulate the answer.

"I don't know." He said honestly, wanting to be able to help her with everything that she was going through.

"Oh, John." She said, almost in tears again, "What am I going to do? I want to talk to him; I want to tell him that he can go to hell. But I don't know if I can face him. He really hurt me that night. Gosh, I'm so weak!" she said, sounding defeated.

"You're not weak! Liv, you are one of the strongest people that I know. You've been through so much, but you never break. This is the only time that something has gotten the best of you, and that is only because you love him."

"What are you talking about? I don't love him." She said, hoping that she hadn't made her feelings for Elliot that obvious.

"Liv, you know very well, that this wouldn't have hurt you nearly as much if you didn't love him. Don't deny it, I already know."

"I used to love him, but my heart shattered when he said those things. I'll never love him again," she said with conviction, "I'll never love again. It hurts too much."

"Liv, love isn't just a switch that you can turn on and off." Munch said gently, reaching for her hand, "You can't just forget how you felt about him. You've been in love with him for so long, that doesn't just disappear, if it ever does."

"No!" Olivia reacted loudly, "No. Don't say that. That's the only chance that I have to get over this. Don't say I won't get over him." She paused, before continuing quietly, "I have to."

"Talk to me about him. Tell me about what happened. You haven't really told me that much."

"You know the first time I saved his life, he told me he'd never hurt me. I believed him, and he was right, he never hurt me before that night."

"Tell me when you first knew that you were attracted to him." He asked gently.

"It was the first time; he smiled that smirk at me. It was the case with the Serbian Rapist, you remember?" she waited for Munch to know before continuing, "I asked him what that woman said to him, and he said, 'I just want to be with my family'. I think I started to fall in love with him then."

"When did you realize you loved him?" Munch asked, once again gently probing, still shocked she was answering his questions.

_**Flashback Begin**_

_Elliot walked out of the room, closely followed by the department psychiatrist, Audrey Jackson. Olivia walked over to him, placing a comforting hand on his forearm, and he wrapped her in a gently hug. _

"_You alright?" she asked gently._

"_Um, yeah. I'll be fine."_

"_You wanna grab a bite to eat?" she asked gently, loving the feel of his arms wrapped around her frame._

"_Nah, I should go home. Thanks though," he said, still not releasing her._

"_I'll see you tomorrow." Olivia said softly._

_He pulled away gently, and smiled softly at her. Olivia felt her heart tug, and knew that her feelings for him were far from platonic._

_They headed to their respective homes, both wishing for the company of the other. Olivia arrived at her apartment, still in thoughts about how safe she had felt wrapped securely in his arms. Just as she was getting ready for bed, her phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, she smiled._

"_Hey,"_

"_Hey, how you doing?"_

"_Fine, getting ready for bed, you?"_

"_I'm good. Maureen's got a new boyfriend, I haven't met him yet. You know who he is?"_

"_No, of course not."_

"_Remember, Washington. It's his son."_

"_Really. He seems like a nice guy."_

"_No, he's not."_

"_Trust me on that, he's very friendly."_

"_What exactly is that supposed to mean, Liv?"_

"_He just likes to 'get together' with almost everyone. Gosh, he was good."_

"_Liv, I really didn't need to know that."_

"_Well, you do now. I'll see you in the morning."_

"_Yeah, good night."_

"_Night."_

_They both hung up, falling instantly asleep._

_**Flashback End**_

"So you've loved him for eight years?"

"Yeah." She said looking forlorn, "I used to get so jealous of Kathy. She had him, and even if I never had him, one kiss from him would have been enough for me to last a lifetime. She could have him everyday and then she walked away. I couldn't believe that she could walk away from someone like him."

"Liv, she couldn't deal not knowing where he was."

"I know, but it was still hard to watch him go through that hell."

A sudden knock from the door startled them both and Olivia looked suddenly terrified. John walked over to the door, and invited Elliot in. He walked in slowly, looking at Olivia who as balled up in the bed.

"Hey Liv," he said quietly.


	5. Discussions

**Discussions **

****

Olivia looked up and spoke timidly, cursing her herself for being so weak, "Hi."

"How're you doing?" Elliot asked gently, ignoring John, who seated himself by the door.

Olivia felt herself get angry, "How do you think I'm doing, you insensitive prick!"

"Liv, -" he started but was cut off by her angry reply.

"OLIVIA! Only my friends call me Liv. And you most defiantly are not one of them!"

"Olivia, look. I know I hurt you. But can't we just talk about this?" He asked, before realizing how out of character he was behaving.

"No!" she said stubbornly, "You hurt me, and I'll never forgive you. Never!"

"I didn't mean it. You know that," Olivia shook her head stoically, "I wanted to spark some sort of reaction out of you and when I did, I wasn't prepared to fight." He looked down ashamed, "I couldn't control my anger and I really didn't mean what I said."

"Sure you didn't," came Olivia's sarcastic response, "You always say these harsh things to me, but you never apologize. I always forgive you but you don't realize you hurt me. I thought if I went away for a while it would be better, but you only got angrier. I know I'm the only one that can withstand your tirades, but Elliot, this time," she paused, wiping away the remnants of tears that had fallen without her knowledge, "This time you destroyed me and I won't forgive you."

Olivia turned and sat herself on the bed, with her back facing Elliot, "Goodbye Elliot."

"No!" he said frantically, "No Liv, don't cut yourself off from me. Please Liv!"

"Elliot for once in my life, I need to do something for me, so please. Just go!" she said, desperately trying to hold back the sobs that threatened to come.

"'Livia this is for you!"

"No, it's not, you selfish bastard!"

"You know that you can't move on. You left behind all your belongings in your apartment, which you plan to keep. Explain to me then, _Olivia, _how you want to move on?"

Olivia opened her mouth to retort but was cut off by Elliot's continuing tirade, "Or maybe that's the plan. For everyone else to this you can't move on, while you go and build another life for yourself. You're so damn selfish Olivia! Fine, goodbye, have a nice life, move on and fuck the hell off!

"You BASTARD!" she screamed, "You fucking stupid idiot! Don't you know anything! I can't move on Elliot, I CAN'T!"

"Why not?" he asked harshly.

Munch who had been sitting quietly in the corner looked on in amazement. He saw some of the fights they had at work, but boy, was this something spectacular. He could see exactly what Olivia had meant now. She didn't say anything really hurtful, but almost every word out of Elliot's mouth would cause pain, and he knew it.

"Because I can't, Elliot. It's just not possible." She stated, tears falling freely down her cheeks, with no effort to stop them.

"Why not? It's not like you ever had trouble leaving before."

"I never left, you moron. I came back, and I never had any intention of the change being permanent."

"Why can't you leave?" Elliot asked exasperatedly, "Why can't you?"

"Because I can't!"

"Why not? Answer me!" he yelled angrily.

"Because I'm in love with you! Because you have my heart and I don't know how to take it back!" she yelled at him, before realizing what she had said.

"What?" he asked, suddenly quiet.

"Nothing, can you please leave?" she asked, turning her back on him once more.

"Olivia, you can't just say something like that and not expect to talk about it."

"Fine, Elliot. What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. When? How long? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Oh, 'cause that would have gone really well. 'Hey Elliot, I'm in love with you! See you tomorrow!' You would have been shocked and I didn't want to ruin our friendship, but you managed that one quite well yourself."

"Oh, No, you don't. You're not changing the subject on me. Not this time." He paused, breathing deeply, "When?"

"Roger Silver." She said quietly, almost hoping he wouldn't hear her.

"Liv, that's eight years ago! You've loved me for eight years?" he asked, flabbergasted. Never would he have thought that she would ever have loved someone like him.

Olivia nodded silently, before speaking quietly, almost as if not trusting her voice, "Every time Kathy came to the station, I'd get so jealous. And when you were having all these marital problems, I desperately wanted to tell you but I knew you were happy so I gave you the bet advice I could. And it didn't work, and you were still heartbroken, and I couldn't help. You know, you're right. All I ever do is hurt people!"

"You know that isn't true!"

"How are you gonna prove that?" she challenged.

Instead of replying, Elliot walked over to her and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Unconsciously Olivia moaned into his mouth and deepened the kiss. When her brain caught up to her mouth, she instantly pulled back.

"We can't do this, El. You have a family, and I have to leave."

"Olivia please." He begged, willing to get on hand and foot if it meant she would take him.

"No!" she said firmly, though her heart shattered once more, "We can't do this."

"Why not? My family is recovering. My kids love you. The guys want us to, so what's stopping you."

"My heart, Elliot, my heart."

"I don't understand." He stated, confused.

"I gave you my heart and you shattered it. I don't know if I can do that again."

"Please 'Livia. Just try. I'll never hurt you again."

"You can't make that promise Elliot. And if you do, even unintentionally, I won't survive. I barely survived this."

"I won't hurt you again. I promise." He said gently, before placing another kiss on her lips. Olivia returned the kiss with equal passion.

"We'll try?" he asked her softly.

"We'll try." She responded, just as softly. Before their lips met for the third time, Munch interrupted them.

"Um, I'll go downstairs. I'll be back at 11. Please make sure you're decent. I'd hate to walk in on something." He gave a exaggerated shudder and shut the door firmly behind him.

As soon as the door closed, both occupants burst into laughter.

"I forget he was there." Olivia laughed before kissing Elliot again.

Meanwhile outside the room, the detective sat waiting for the other end of the phone-line to pick up.

"Cragen,"

"We have a slight problem" Munch stated.


	6. Love

**Love **

****

"And what's that?" Cragen asked, obviously confused.

"Elliot and Olivia made up," Munch stated, not really wanting to get into detail about the situation.

"So? That's a good thing. It's what we wanted. What's the problem, Munch?"

"Um, they made up a little too much," he said purposefully being cryptic.

"Oh, well I guess we should have expected this. Just tell them to get back here. We'll sort it out when they're both home and safe."

"Okay, and how exactly do you expect me to do that?"

"Just tell them that we need them for a case or something. I don't care how, but you have to get them back here."

"Okay. Hopefully we'll be back in the morning."

"Thanks, Munch," Cragen stated, before hanging up the phone.

Munch hung up his cell, before heading down to the bar in the lobby of the hotel, planning on keeping his promise to stay out of the room until 11. He honestly did not want to walk in on them, but he had the distinct feeling that he should stay away longer than 11 regardless of the fact that they would need to know that all of them would have to go back to New York.

After a few drinks, he was still reluctant to go back to the room, he caught a cab to the airport, hoping to secure three tickets for a flight tomorrow.

Meanwhile, after Munch had left, Elliot and Olivia, rather than taking their relationship to the next level, had decided to talk things through first.

"Why did you say those things to me?" she asked, after Munch had left, always direct and to the point.

"I was angry. I wasn't thinking."

"That's not an excuse, Elliot. You have to have a reason. I was angry, but what did I say that hurt you?" she asked, wanting an answer, but dreading the reply.

"I didn't mean to," he said, avoiding the answer, but knowing it couldn't last. She looked at him, a soft anger present in her eyes. "Whenever someone attacks me, verbally, I lash out. Try and cause them as much pain as possible before they can cause me any."

"But Elliot, I never said anything to hurt you," she stated softly.

"You could have," he replied, defensive and angry.

"You know me. Have I ever hurt you in an argument?" she asked, forgetting about Rebecca Hendrix.

"Yes," he replied without hesitation, wanting to defend himself yet again, "Rebecca Hendrix."

"Oh, the rebound comment. I was jealous, Elliot. I had kept everything to myself for so long and I could handle you with Kathy, because you were married, but then you started to move on. And you moved on with someone that wasn't me. I just got jealous and let it out. I really didn't mean that, and besides that, you replied in form also."

"I didn't know you were jealous. I mean, I only found out you loved me about 10 minutes ago, so how did you expect me to know you wanted me to move on with you? You always did such a good job of hiding everything. I mean, you get me to open up about my dying marriage and I get hardly anything out of you about your mother. And it never occurred to me. I always thought you were open with me, and then we had that argument and I found that after all you had told me, I really didn't know you as well as I thought, but you really did know me."

"What? You expect me to tell the man I love all about my hurtful past. About how I hate myself, how I doubt myself, how I used to think of suicide daily just so I could stop causing my mother and others pain. You really want to know all that?"

"No! I mean, yes. I mean, I don't know?" he stated, exasperated, "I want to know about you. I want you to be completely honest with me. That's all I want Liv, that's all I've ever wanted from you."

"If all you've ever wanted from me is to be open, then why did you kiss me. If you don't love me, why do something like that, something which will only cause me more pain?" she asked, "If you really cared about me, you wouldn't do that."

"I want you to come home."

"So you want me to come home so you can hurt me more?" she said, aware that they were about to launch another huge argument.

"No. I want you to come back so that you can heal. You can start to mend. That's it, Liv."

"So you don't want a relationship with me. All you want is friendship?" she asked, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.

"I love you Liv. I want to be your friend. I don't want to hurt you."

"Elliot, I can't do this. Either I'm more than your friend or I'm nothing. I can't keep doing this to myself. I have to put myself first, just once."

"I'm sorry, Olivia," he said softly, kissing her gently on the forehead before exiting the room, leaving Olivia with tears streaming down her face for her once again broken heart.

Munch arrived back at the hotel in time to see Elliot leaving. Not knowing what had happened, but sensing that it wasn't good, he raced up the stairs and burst into the room. Not seeing Olivia, he panicked before realizing that as her possessions were present, she had not run again.

Behind the closed bathroom door, he heard the sounds of someone sobbing. Quietly, he opened the door and embraced Olivia. She returned the embrace tightly, soaking his shirt in tears.

"What happened?" he asked gently.

"He did it again. You said he wouldn't but he did. He hurt me again," she sobbed.

"Oh," he said, still comforting her, "Come on, go have a rest, and we'll leave in the morning."

"No, I can't go back. Not anymore."

"Please, Liv. We need you, and regardless of what Elliot says, he needs you also."

"Well, he's not going to. I'll keep in contact with you guys as long as Elliot doesn't know."

"Okay, we'll talk in the morning,"

"No, we'll talk now."

"Liv, I don't think there is much to say. We all want you to come home, but no one but you can make the choice whether or not to do so."

"I don't know what to do, Munch," she said softly.

"You try to move on, Liv. You try to forget what you felt for him. You find someone else that you can love."

"I don't know how to do that. How do you move on when the person you're trying to move on from is sitting right across from you. How do you do that then?"

"I don't know Liv. Come back to New York and we can talk about this. Maybe you can transfer out, maybe Elliot can transfer out. I don't know, just come back, please."

"I'll try, okay. I'll come back, but if it gets too hard, I'm leaving."

Munch nodded and led her back to the bedroom, where he once again, tucked her in bed. Seating himself on the couch, he fell asleep, not aware of Olivia staying awake lost in her own thoughts.


	7. Thoughts

**Thoughts: **

****

She didn't know what to do. She had agreed to go back to New York, but didn't know how to cope with the consequences of her promise. But she had to try, she promised Munch, she would show everyone, including Elliot, that she was strong enough to handle this.

The thought of seeing Elliot everyday but knowing that he felt nothing more than friendship for her would be very painful for her, and she knew that she would have to bound the chains on her heart much tighter.

She would rebuild her rapport with her closest friends, though this no longer included Elliot. Seeing him and working with him every day would be hard enough without putting her heart in more jeopardy by being friends with him again. She would have to maintain a perfectly professional relationship with Elliot, and not start a personal one.

She could talk to Munch, Fin, Alex, Casey, Don and Mel about everything, but Elliot was out of the question, yet he was the one that always knew how to comfort her. She would just have to learn how to survive without him, because if she didn't she wouldn't last. Vowing to maintain these promises she made to herself, Olivia got up and woke Munch who was dozing.

"John," she whispered quietly, shaking him, "John, wake up."

"Hmm," he mumbled, "What time is it?"

"A little after 7. What time do we leave?"

"10, we should leave soon. Go get dressed and we'll leave."

"Thank you, John," she whispered before gently kissing his forehead.

Olivia moved to the bathroom, taking a shower before changing into more comfortable clothing that she could hopefully bury herself in, protect herself from the emotional onslaught that was bound to come when she arrived back.

Boarding the plane and heading to New York, neither Munch nor Olivia discussed the consequences of her returning home but maintained a light and quiet banter. After arrived in New York a few hours later, they were greeted by the SVU team.

Cragen hugged her tightly, whispering comforting words in her ear. Fin, Casey and Alex each embraced her and murmured thanks and 'welcome home's gently. Elliot stood back and waited for his embrace, however, Olivia, sticking to her vow to maintain only a professional relationship with Elliot, merely nodded to him and walked past the group, earning strange glances from the remainder of the team, whereas Elliot received many glares.

Not knowing what to do about the current situation, Elliot left, trying to understand the scenario and Olivia's behavior toward him. He knew that she would have trouble with their relationship but he had expected their friendship to still have some foundation and be repairable. However, based on her reaction to him at the airport, he highly doubted that that would happen now.

Taking a cab and arriving home, Olivia unpacked her clothing, ordered take-out before seating herself comfortably on the couch. Thinking about the airport scene, she remembered everyone's reaction to her return.

Cragen had embraced her and told her that he was proud of her decision to return. He had thought of her as strong and determined and that she had proven that she was capable of living through any emotional trauma. Fin had also embraced her but he had told her that he had "shaken down" Elliot and informed him that he was a stupid idiot for ruining the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Alex and Casey had both told her that they would come over later to help her and discuss the issues that were now pressing. Before she could analyze anything further, the doorbell rang. Hoping that it wasn't Elliot, Olivia tentatively opened the door, and let out a relieved sign and stood aside to let Alex and Casey into her apartment.

"What happened?" Alex asked gently as they all sat on the couch.

"With what?" Olivia asked, not wanting to get involved with anything.

"With you and Elliot. You barely acknowledged him at the airport," Casey stated.

"We had an argument."

"About?" Alex prompted.

"Our relationship. I wanted more, he didn't."

"What do you mean he didn't?" Casey asked incredulously.

"He told me that he loved me, just not in that way. He kissed me and then said he only wanted to be my friend. He broke my heart twice and he doesn't care. So, I'm not giving him the opportunity to do so. I'll have a professional relationship with him, but not a personal one. I won't put myself in that position again," she stated firmly.

"So, you're just going to let him go?"

"What do you mean let him go? He doesn't want me, what am I supposed to do, chase after him and continually get my heart broken until I can't handle it and suicide?" she asked sarcastically.

"No, but he loves you."

"Yeah, just not in the way I want him to."

"He's scared, Liv. He doesn't want to get hurt."

"But I wouldn't hurt him. I was willing to move past everything, I was willing to put myself in jeopardy when I can barely trust anyone. I did everything to let him know that I would do anything, that I was serious; trust me, he's not interested."

"He is."

Olivia shook her head stubbornly and Alex and Casey decided to give the topic a rest, knowing they wouldn't get any further with her. A little while later, Alex and Casey left, leaving Olivia once more to her thoughts. Knowing sleep wouldn't be forthcoming, Olivia took a small dose of a sedative and allowed it to take over.

The following morning, she awoke and dressed quickly. Heading to the station, she didn't notice anything as she seemed to be on autopilot. Arriving at the station, she indicated a quick 'hello' to everyone.

A few minutes later, Elliot arrived and sat down at his desk.

"Hey Liv," he said quietly.

"Good Morning, Detective," she responded professionally.

Elliot looked up at her in shock, not knowing how to react to her behavior.

"Case at Mercy General," Cragen interrupted, "Girl was raped and beaten. Benson and Stabler, your case."

Reluctantly Olivia nodded and grabbed her coat. Elliot, also grabbing his, was still unsure how to behave around her. This Olivia he didn't know, he only knew the nice, kind, gently, friendly Olivia, not the professional, cold and detached Olivia.

"Liv, is this how it is going to be from now on?"

"Yes," she stated firmly, "You wanted it this way," she responded before walking into the hospital, leaving Elliot wondering what he had done to her and if he had just jeopardized the most important relationship in his life.


	8. Attempts

**Attempts**

After interviewing the girl, Elliot and Olivia headed back to the station, Elliot trying to make conversation with a non-responsive companion. Throughout their time back to the station, Elliot continually asked personal questions about what she thought, if she was okay, and other questions relating to her well being. Olivia, on the other hand, continually responded professionally with 'yes' or 'no' answers and did not volunteer any further information. Frustrated by the time they arrived, Elliot slammed the door closed and stormed into the squad room.

"What's wrong with you?" Munch asked, noting the fury that aligned Elliot's features.

"_O_livia," he stated, stressing the 'O' to indicate he was no longer allowed to use her nickname.

"What?" Munch asked sympathetic though understanding Olivia's attitude.

"She won't answer my personal questions. She only says 'yes' or 'no'. She doesn't talk to me and she won't give me anything. It's like I don't even know my best friend anymore," Elliot expressed angrily.

"What did you expect? She's recovering from a broken heart, and she has to work daily with the person who broke it. Did you really expect her to be just as she was before?"

"No! Well, yes," he admitted, "I just want things to be how they were before she told me. I want everything to be back the way it was."

"Elliot, that's never going to happen, now. You know that right?"

"I do now. I hoped that she would just get over it."

By this time, Olivia had made her way up to the squad room where Munch and Elliot where having this discussion. Unfortunately, she caught the end of Elliot's statement.

"You expect me to get over a broken heart in two weeks, when I have to continually see, work and talk to the person who broke it. How do you expect me to forget that I've loved you for eight years, in two weeks? How, Elliot, how?" she asked, as a pair of tears trailed down her cheeks. Yet she stood firm, waiting for his response.

"I, um, I'm sorry, Liv. I didn't realize. I, um," he paused, unsure how to continue.

"Forget it," she responded, turning and heading back to the car.

Elliot looked at Munch for advice and guidance, but Munch looked shocked.

"Wow!" he whispered before continuing at normal volume, "She must really love you."

"How? I don't, I don't understand. She won't talk to me, she doesn't want to know me. How can you possibly say that she loves me?"

"Do you really think that if I said that to her, I'd get away with it? She does want to talk to you, but she doesn't want to hurt herself more. Imagine that you are in love with someone and that person just threw that back in your face but you still have to work daily with that person. Would you really want to be open and honest with them? You wouldn't. It's just getting the hurt thrown back in your face every time you talk to them. Can you really say that you'd want to go through that? She's brave to come back here and try to face a broken heart alone."

"But she doesn't have to. She has to know that we're here for her. Even me, though she might not want that."

"Elliot, there are only two things she wants right now, that are in direct contradiction of each other. Either she wants you to love her the way she loves you, or she wants to forget that she ever loved you and move on. Right now, both are painful for her."

"I don't know what to do, John. I just feel so helpless. My best friend's hurting and I can't help her because I'm the one that hurt her." The lost expression on Elliot's face would have been comical had the situation not been as serious.

"I can't tell you much except that you just have to accept that nothing will ever be the same between the two of you. You're going to have to learn that Olivia won't ever be the same as she was before. She'll do her job, maybe go out, but she won't be the same loving, kind and sympathetic person she was before."

"I just want her to know that I'm still the person I was before and that she can still talk to me."

Shaking his head in disbelief, John stated, "Look at it from her point of view. You still love Kathy, right?" Elliot nodded before John continued, "You love her or you're in love with her?"

"In love with her," he replied, shakily.

"Imagine that you told her that you are still in love with her and that you want a romantic relationship with her and that she told you cold that she never wanted anything other than friendship with you. How would you feel?"

"Heartbroken," he replied, understanding where John was going with this.

"Then imagine that you had to work with her everyday and she kept wanting to maintain a perfectly friendly level with you after she broke your heart. Could you do it?"

Shaking his head, Elliot gasped, "I would have run. I wouldn't come back to be continually hurt, if I didn't have kids."

"Do you understand how hard it is for her? How brave she is to actually come back? How you can never have that level of friendship ever again?"

Elliot nodded, thanked Munch absentmindedly, and walked off, looking dazed. Munch caught the expression on his face. Knowing that now Elliot fully understood the damage that he had inflicted on the poor girl, he would leave her alone to mourn and recover from her broken heart.

Elliot, now realizing the damage that he had imposed on Olivia, couldn't be sorrier. He sincerely wished that he could take it back, all of it. But Munch's explanation had also made him realize something. He could lose Kathy. Resolving to fix that problem first, he drove to his house in Queens, once again about to attempt to make their failed marriage work.

As he knocked on the door, he was overcome by a deep sense of nervousness.

"Elliot," his surprise ex-wife said, "What are you doing here?"

"Kath, I have a confession to make," he paused, gathering courage before plowing on, "Something's happened in the past few days to make me realize that life is short. Too short to spend it apart from the people you love. I love you, Kath, I really do. I know the saying 'too little, too late', could be applied right now. But please, Kath, you have to know that I really mean that."

"I know you do Elliot. I still love you but this marriage can't work. You spend so much time at work, that I'm just like a bed warmer. I want to be more than that."

"I never meant for that to happen. And I really do understand what I lost. Please, just give us a try and if it doesn't work, I'll stop asking. I just really have to know that I've done everything possible to work things out with the woman who has stolen my heart."

Kathy, obviously touched by Elliot's heart filled speech, simply nodded before bringing her lips down to his and caressing them gently.

"I'm glad your home."


	9. Heart Ache

**Heart Ache**

The following day, Elliot arrived in the precinct, very upbeat. Sitting across from his partner, he realized that she looked the worst he had ever seen her. She was pale, had red, puffy eyes, black rings under her eyes, and her shoulders were slumped as though she had the pressure of the world balancing on them.

"Morning," he greeted, his upbeat behavior now gone.

"Detective," she greeted coolly.

"Look Olivia, I know that I hurt you and that you're still sore about it, but can't we get past this?"

"Not now, maybe never. But while I still love you, we can only be work colleagues. You are more than welcome to tell me whatever is going on in your world, just don't expect me to do the same."

"I really didn't mean -"

"I know!" She cut him off, frustrated, "I know you didn't mean to hurt me. It's my fault for falling in love with a man that could never feel the same. I don't need you to keep rubbing it in. I get it, you don't want me, and I will get over that. In the mean time, don't expect me to give you praise and be happy that your ex-wife wants you to come home as well."

"What? How? I mean… I don't -" he broke off, looking confused.

"Don't deny that you've been dying to tell anyone that will listen that you got the woman who stole your heart back. I'm happy for you, I really am." Before he could contradict the obvious lie, Olivia, stood and headed for the crib, making it quite clear to anyone that she was not to be disturbed.

Noting John's expression, Elliot looked at him angrily.

"What?"

"I thought you understood, Elliot. I thought I explained it all to you yesterday. Do you know what she's doing up there?" Noting Elliot's lost expression, he answered his own question, "She's crying, Elliot. She's crying over the fact that she really doesn't have a chance at all at your affections."

"But she said she wants to be a friend to me. That I could tell her about my life, as long as I don't expect the same."

"She might say that, and she _might_ mean it, but that doesn't mean that it won't hurt her."

"God, Munch. When did my life become something like a fucking soap opera?"

"Look Elliot, think about what you did last night. You really want to go back into a marriage that you know is going to fail?"

"It won't fail. I'm going to change things. I'll make it work this time," he said with absolute conviction.

"What? You're going to go home on time? You're going to not respond to a call in the middle of the night? You're going to actually talk to your wife? Elliot, all of that might be ideal and good but do you really think that is going to work."

"Yes, because that will happen," Elliot responded, once again convinced that his marriage could work.

"I've been married three times, it won't work. And before you go making more promises to your wife, think about what you've just lost." With that comment, he left a confused Elliot pondering his last statement.

In the meantime, Olivia sat in the crib, wondering yet again why she was crying over the same man. She had cried so many tears in the last few days that it was a wonder that she could still cry. Her eyes were continually sore, her nose stuffy and red, but she couldn't stop. The pain in her chest wouldn't go away, and she was starting to think that coming back to New York was a mistake. However, before she could continue her current train of thought, the door to the crib was opened and Munch walked in.

"How're you holding up?" he asked.

"How do you think?" she replied angrily, before sighing, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap."

"It's okay, I understand. It's really brave of you to come back, you know that right?" he asked, sitting down beside her and pulling her into a gentle hug, which she returned, burying her head in his neck.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I know it's only been two weeks but I thought it would get easier, you know? And him going back to Kathy, I'm happy for him, I am, but it feels like he's throwing it in my face," she broke down, and sobbed heavily, "I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do!"

"Shh, it's okay," Munch consoled, feeling the prickling sensation of tears behind his eyes, "It will be okay."

"Munch, what do I do?" she asked, as she pulled away, "I just want to forget, for it to all go away, to go away and never come back, but I can't. As much as I want that, I can't."

"Hey, come on, we'll get some coffee. And as for leaving, it will get better, Liv. I talk from experience, the pain will go away somewhat."

"Thanks for the advice and the offer, but I think I'll pass. I got to get back to work," she smiled gently before giving him one last hug and leaving alone in the crib.

For the next few months, Elliot and Olivia's relationship was still strained. Munch continued to be the comforter to Olivia and the interpreter for Elliot. Fin and Don, who although knew about the situation were kept out of the loop, as neither could provide the right wording or comfort nor explain Olivia's seemingly irrational behavior to Elliot.

However, during the last few months, the stress had been overtaking Elliot, making him more liable to make mistakes, more prone to angry outbursts and violent behavior and this behavior was generally accompanied by hurtful insults directed mainly at Olivia.

The stress of not having Olivia to comfort him, not having her to help him, and not having her to go to for advice about his marriage among other things was making her the target for his anger and although he knew that he was to blame for this change, it didn't change the fact that he was angry and she was the only one who would withstand the abuse and insults he hurled at her.

The fact that his attempt at a successful relationship with Kathy wasn't working didn't help either. For the first few weeks, everything was wonderful and idyllic. The family would be together from six in the evening. They would have dinner with flowing conversation before moving to the living area to watch television together before the kids drifted off to their respective bedrooms to complete homework and such, leaving the two adults alone. Their relationship was crazy, the moment they were alone, they would make out like crazy teenagers before moving into the bedroom and continuing to the early hours of the morning.

This fact didn't go unnoticed by anyone, particularly not Olivia. Apart from the fact that she was dealing with an irate and tired Elliot Stabler, she was also angry at having to be the one to cover his ass on so many occasions when he couldn't work because he had to be home, making out with his wife.

The following month after moving home, Elliot began to work more, spend more time at the office, and leave Kathy once again at home, looking after the children. Kathy, meanwhile, was sure to go out of her way to make sure Elliot knew that he was falling back into his old ways. Although aware of this, he made no effort to stop and by the end of the third month, his and Kathy's relationship had come to a grinding halt, a fact that had not escaped John Munch's notice.

"What's going on?" he asked, watching Elliot drain his third coffee cup in ten minutes.

"Kathy and I are on the rocks, again," he sighed.

Munch, not entirely believing this was the problem, questioned him, "That all?"

Elliot shook his head, before he began, "It seems like everything is going wrong. Olivia, work, Kathy, the kids, the case; it's like the world is conspiring against me," he laughed sourly, "Now I sound like you."

"Look, Elliot -" Munch began but was cut off by the ring of Elliot's cell.

"Stabler," he barked into the device.

"What? Kathy, I'm at work."

"Yes, I understand that this is important, but I can't leave now."

"Alright, ALRIGHT. I'm coming."

Elliot groaned, "Can you cover for me for a while?" However, before Munch could respond, Elliot simply said, "Thanks," and took off, leaving Munch wondering how Olivia had ever put up with him.

The moment he arrived home, Elliot knew something was wrong. He walked into the living area and discovered Kathy, sitting with a distinct frown on her face.

"We need to talk," she stated.


	10. Unattached

**Unattached **

****

"Okay," Elliot responded, unsure of where she was going with the conversation.

"Look, Elliot. I know you said that you wanted to come home because you loved me, but I think that you just wanted a comfort zone. A place that made you feel safe, because everything in your life was not going the way you planned."

"Kath, I don't understand. What's going on?"

"I know what's happening at work, I know what happened with Olivia, and I think that's why you want to come home, not because you love me, but because you love the image of me."

"How do you know about that? Who told you?"

"You did," Noting his confused expression, she continued, "You talk in your sleep, generally about all your problems. How do you think I know when something's bothering you? Not because you tell me, or I can see it in you, I hear it when you sleep."

"I still don't understand. What has Olivia got to do with us?" Elliot asked, exasperated.

Annoyed at Elliot's lack of understanding, Kathy spoke clearly and loudly, "Everything Elliot, everything."

Elliot repeated, "I don't understand," he was beginning to feel like a huge idiot, not to mention and broken record, and it annoyed him greatly.

"Don't interrupt, I'm going to say this once and that's all," she waited for Elliot's nod before continuing the conversation that would change their relationship forever, "Elliot, you asked to come home. You told me things that every woman wants to hear, that you loved me, that you wanted to hold me, that you would never be the same without me, and you told me that things would change. Less office hours, not answering calls at midnight, no working overtime. You told me we could be a real family, and for a while we were. We had meals together, we talked, we made out like teenagers, and we were happy," she paused before saying quietly, "At least I thought we were."

"What do you mean? We are happy."

"Elliot, how can you be so oblivious? We're not happy, we might have been in the beginning, but then you started to go back to work. You stayed later, you took calls, and we fell back into the old pattern, that I was just a person to hold you at night, when the demons you fought came out. I want to be more than that, I wanted our family to be real, for us to actually be together. But it didn't happen, you fell back into your old ways, and I couldn't handle that. I made life hell for you, just so you would know that I didn't like that you spent more time at work than you used to. But you in all your ignorant glory didn't understand, and you spent more time at work. I guess you can say that my fabulous plan backfired."

"But Kathy, can't we try again. You just said that your plan backfired. Maybe we can just be us?"

"Arrgg," Kathy groaned in frustration, Elliot could really be an imbecile when it came to relationships, "Elliot, did you even listen to what I've just been saying? We won't work out because I can't have you only when it's convenient and you won't give me anything else. Look, we tried and we failed. It's time to move on."

Elliot, finally understand, put up no fight. "I guess, I'll pack my stuff again."

"Hey, you can stay till the end of the week, give you some time to find a place. And one word of advice, talk to Olivia. What you're doing to her is tearing her up inside and it's hurting you also. I'm not the one you want, she is. Let her know that before it is too late."

With those parting words, Kathy left Elliot to his now very confused thoughts.

As he sat there, he pondered her words. Did he really want Olivia? Was the feeling that he had for her love? It had been unidentifiable, and Elliot feared to label it so he had pushed it aside, but whenever he saw her, and saw what damage he had done to her, he felt a deep sadness come over him, and this feeling had been the cause of his reason to hurt her.

Unable to handle that she was hurting, and in the process of her hurting, she had been hurting him inadvertently, he had lashed out at her, continually hurting her. But Kathy had said that he had loved the image of her, and she was right. He loved the image of mother, wife and companion but he hadn't really loved her. No, he had loved Olivia. He had loved her, and he had not realized it.

He didn't understand; how could everyone but him see that Olivia was in love with him? How could people see that he loved her also? How could he have made the biggest mistake of his life? How could they have let him do it? He didn't understand, but through his confusion he had come to realize one vitally important thing. He had lost Olivia once before, and he would be damned if he lost her again.

With a sudden conviction, he grabbed his phone, keys and jacket and raced out of the house, not noticing Kathy who stood in the hall.

"Go after her, Elliot, and good luck," she whispered softly, watching her ex-husband peel out of the driveway at an alarming speed.

For hours, he drove around the city. First, he went to her apartment, but no one appeared to be there. Next he called her cell, it went straight to voice-mail. Then he drove to the station house, figuring she might be finishing some of the paperwork that littered their desks. Unable to find her there, he drove to every bar that he knew she had ever visited. When that struck out, he called Munch, and asked if he knew where Olivia was. Munch, had told him that Olivia had left earlier and she presumed she had gone home.

Driving, once again, to her apartment, Elliot wondered what he would actually say to her. After all he had put her through, he was certain that she would never want to be with him.

When he arrived, he saw a person exiting her building, and he raced to reach the door before it closed. Slipping in just before it closed, he ran to the elevator, and pushed the button for the third floor. The journey seemed to take forever, and Elliot anxiously ran his hand through his hair. As the doors opened, he took a deep breath. The excitement of his revelation, the conviction with which he had started the journey vanished. Suddenly, he was unsure what he was doing here, and with a desperate sigh, he returned to the elevator and proceeded downstairs to his car, and back to his house, ignoring the sensation that was burning in his chest, and the voice in his head saying that he was making another huge mistake.

For now, he would be her friend. For now, he would woo her without her knowing it. For now, he would keep this to himself.


	11. Repairs

**Repairs**

For the next few days, Elliot and Olivia's relationship continued to change. However, it was not in the way that Elliot would have liked. The news of his break-up with Kathy had not helped to mend the rift between the two; it seemed to have deepened it. Once again lost, Elliot turned to John for help.

"What don't you understand about her now?" John asked, getting sick of being the interpreter for Elliot.

"Kathy and I broke up. I'm trying to rebuild our friendship before moving onto something more, and she keeps backing away from me. I don't understand why!" he stated, exasperatedly.

"Elliot, this is the last time that I help you because you really need to just talk to her, about everything. Okay, she runs away because you hurt her, then you kiss her and make her believe that you return her feelings, and then a few minutes after that you throw it back in her face and tell her that it was just because you wanted her to come back. She comes back, in order to move on with her life, and you throw your rejection of her in her face by getting back with Kathy. Then, you take that awful temper of yours out on her when she has done nothing wrong, and now you want to be friends again and then move onto something more. She keeps backing away from you because she has no idea what is going on with you. Have you even told her that you and Kathy are not together any longer?"

"I thought she would gather that from the fact that I'm working normal times and that I live in an apartment."

"She knows you live in an apartment?"

"Well, I asked if she knew of any good apartment buildings that I could rent in. She gave me a couple of names, and a phone number of a real estate guy, who sold me my apartment."

"Elliot, you moron. She probably thinks that you are just working more, and that you and Kathy are still together and the apartment was for Maureen or Kathleen or something like that. She's backing away from you because she doesn't want to get hurt further and doesn't understand what the hell the matter with you is."

Elliot looked astonished. He had no idea that Olivia wouldn't know about his separation, as she was the first to know about his revival of their relationship earlier. Nodding a quick thanks to Munch for his help, Elliot left to piece together the next puzzle of how to get Olivia to talk to him.

Meanwhile, frustrated with Elliot, Olivia had gone to Casey's office, in order to either talk about everything or talk about nothing. Either way, she would feel better, and that was the main point.

"Liv, what's wrong?" Casey asked the moment Olivia stepped foot in her office. She and Olivia had been quite close for some time, but recently, with the debacle with Elliot, they had become a lot closer. They were closer then Elliot and Olivia ever were, because with them there was no sexual tension and no jealous partners to involve.

"Elliot, who else," Olivia stated, as she closed the door behind her.

"What did he do now? I talked to Munch a while ago, and he said that you two might be sorting some things out."

"Well, whatever he was sorting out better get sorted out soon, or I am really leaving this time. I can't continue like this, I just can't, Case."

"What happened?"

"You know that he went back to Kathy a few months ago, right?" Casey nodded and Olivia continued, "Well, I don't know what happened, but he's now working as much as he used to before he went back to her, and the other day he asked for information about apartments in New York, and then when I gave it to him, he wanted to know why I wasn't interested in what was going on in his life. I mean, what was I meant to say?"

"Liv, did it ever occur to you that maybe he moved out?"

"Why would he? The last time I heard things were marvelous between the happy couple, so why would it change so fast?"

"Liv, I swear you are just as blind as he is," At Olivia's incredulous look, she amended, "Maybe not _as_ blind, but nearly. Go and talk to him, and make him explain it to you. I know you said that you are over him, but listen to yourself. You're just as in love with him as you were three years ago, not to mention three months ago."

Olivia seemed to ponder this but before she could say anything, her cell phone interrupted.

"Benson,"

_"Olivia, this is Kathy." _

"Oh, how did you get my number?"

_"I got it off of Elliot." _

"Oh, of course you did," Olivia stated sourly.

_"Look, I know you most likely hate me, but I can honestly just say I want to help." _

"You want to help with what?"

_"I know you have feelings for Elliot, and I want to help you." _

"I don't need your help."

_"Olivia, please. I know you're not coping well, and yes Elliot told me, but I do care about you. I just want to make sure you are alright." _

"Look, I'm fine, and I would appreciate it if you didn't call me again," Olivia made to close the phone but stopped when she heard the voice on the other end plead.

_"Olivia, please. Just meet with me. You don't have to say anything, just listen." _

"I don't think -"

_"Please, it will only take ten minutes." _

Reluctantly, Olivia agreed to meet her in ten minutes at the Café round the block. Snapping the phone shut, she turned to Casey who was watching her interestedly, wondering who could have caused her best friend to suddenly become both vulnerable and angry.

"_Kathy_," she emphasized the name, "wants to meet with me."

"What about?"

"No idea, but I better go. I'll talk to you later."

Casey nodded and Olivia departed still wondering why she was meeting with the woman who had stolen the heart of the man that held hers.


	12. Conversations

**Conversations**

"Kathy," Olivia stated stiffly, sitting down opposite the woman.

"Olivia," Kathy greeted kindly, understanding the ice between them.

"What do you want?"

"I just want to explain a few things," Olivia nodded, but kept her weary stance, "Elliot and I parted on friendly terms a few weeks ago, and," she stopped suddenly, noting Olivia's shocked expression.

"He didn't tell you?"

"No. We don't talk much anymore," Olivia said, though there was an underlying sadness that permeated her words.

"Well, we separated a few weeks ago, and Elliot moved into an apartment. I guess you can say that he was surprised when I asked him to leave yet again. He thought everything was fine, but he was working more, he wouldn't talk to any of us, but he used to talk to you. I know that he talked to you about everything, and he used to soften after he did. He was gentler, like he was at peace with what happened, and suddenly his calming device wasn't calming him and he didn't know how to deal with it," Noting Olivia's partially angry expression, she quickly stated, "You were his best friend also, not just the person who could calm him," before continuing, "So he got mad, and he had nowhere and no one take his anger out on, so he chose the most liable person, and that was you."

She took a deep breath before continuing, "I know this doesn't excuse him, and that's not what I'm trying to do. All I'm saying is that you are the person who should be with him, who should comfort him, hold him, love him and treasure him. He knows that you love him, and he's just come to grips with the fact that he's in love with you also. Just give him a chance, he's an idiot, but once you have his love, you don't lose it, and I never had it; you did."

Olivia sat speechless in her seat. Finally about to form a coherent thought, she spoke, "I'm sorry that it didn't work out between the two of you, I really am, but if what you say is true then why did he go to you after I told him I loved him. He acted like it was the worst thing in the world and he wanted nothing more to do with me."

"He was afraid. He's never been in love, and he knew what was safe. He's had a family for twenty years and he wanted a comfort zone, a place to feel safe and I let him. I should have told him to move on, and to actually tell you how he felt, but I didn't and I can never be more sorry about that."

Olivia was moved by the woman's heartfelt intentions and spoke gently, "Why are you doing this? I mean, I really appreciate it, but why are you trying to help me?"

"I don't want to see two of the people that I care about make the biggest mistakes of their lives by letting each other walk away. I just want to see the both of you happy, together."

"Thank you Kathy, for everything."

"Call me anytime you want to talk."

"Thank you," Olivia said gently before placing a few bills on the table and leaving the café.

With this new information in mind, Olivia went looking for Elliot, determined to make him talk to her. Elliot, not having decided what to do about the information that Munch had given him, was determined to avoid his partner.

Fortunately, for Elliot, the following day there had been a huge case, and there was no time for personal talk and he was able to avoid any conversation with Olivia. Unfortunately, for Olivia this case didn't seem to be going anywhere and a week later, they were all sleep deprived and no closer to catching the man who had raped and killed at least for women.

"How long do we have to wait to catch the son-of-a-bitch?" Elliot yelled angrily, finding the coffee mug on his desk empty.

"Well maybe if you actually worked instead of grumbled we might get somewhere," Olivia retorted just as angrily.

"What, you need my help to be able to string a few clues together?" He screamed at her, standing in front of where she sat, so that she was unable to move.

"No, Elliot. I'm just saying that four minds are better than three. And I am sure that everyone would appreciate it if you would keep that temper in check," she stated, with her anger barely controlled, but her voice relatively calm.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" He exploded.

"Argh! Elliot, all I am saying is that we could concentrate better if you would just SHUT THE HELL UP!" She bellowed.

"What's going on?" Don questioned as he marched out of his office.

"Nothing," Elliot stated sourly before moving back to his desk, his foul mood apparent.

"Nothing my ass. Look I'm sick and tired of you two not being on the same damn page. Now you are going up to the crib, going to sleep for a couple of hours and work out this damn problem before I suspend you both."

When neither of them moved, he yelled, "NOW!"

Reluctantly, Olivia and Elliot made their way up the stairs, both grumbling and trying to keep as much distance between them. The moment the door to the crib shut, Fin spoke.

"You think that's a good idea?"

"It's the only damn idea I got. Besides, now we can actually work, rather than trying to make sure they don't strangle each other."

"But, Cap, you do realize that if this doesn't work Olivia will leave, for good this time."

Don nodded gravely, "That's why I'm hoping this works."

Both Munch and Fin went back to their work, while Don headed to his office. Meanwhile, Elliot and Olivia were laying in silence, the tension in the air palpable.

Finally, Olivia broke the silence, "Look Elliot, we can't avoid this forever. We need to talk and we might as well do it now."

"I have no intention of talking. I want to rest, and I remember that was what we were ordered to do."

"Yes, but we also have to work out our problems and I refuse to allow this to go on any longer than it already has."

"You refuse, do you?" Elliot asked, the tone of his voice evident.

"Yes, I refuse. I'm sick and tired of being the person who shoulders the blame for everything that is going wrong in your life. I'm sick of being the only person who you hurl insults at, and I'm tired of taking the brunt of your anger. I know I deserve some of it, I haven't made things easy for you, but I don't deserve everything."

"You think you're so perfect. You think that because you're beautiful and sexy that no one can refuse you. Well, news flash, I can. I don't care about you anymore. You've made that impossible, so bugger the hell off. Our relationships finished," he paused noting the tears the fell down Olivia's cheeks and then plunged the dagger in tighter, "For good."

Olivia was overcome with a deep sense of sadness and she raced to the door and ran down the stairs and out the precinct, not noticing the horrified expressions of those in the squad room. She couldn't see clearly as her vision was obscured by tears. She ran, not caring where she was going, and not caring who saw her. She just had to get as far away from Elliot as she could. Because she was crying so much, she didn't see the car as it turned around the corner, but she felt it hit her and the last thing she remembered before falling unconscious was a familiar voice which had cried, "Please don't leave me, I love you."

_(I promise they will get together. It just seems like everytime I try, they end up having an arguement and being further apart than they were before. But I promise they will be together. I just know it will happen soon.)_


	13. Recovery

**Recovery**

Olivia lay in the hospital, having no sense of date, time, or what she was doing here. The last things she remembered was Elliot telling her that they could never be anything, then running and getting hit by a car. The more she thought about it, she realized that she had also heard a voice, tell her that it loved her. She didn't know who the voice belonged to, but she remembered that she had felt comforted by it.

As Olivia lay beside him, still unconscious, Elliot reflected over the last few hours. He had told Olivia they were over, and she had raced out of the building. Instantly, he realized his mistake and ran after her, noting the angry expressions of his co-workers. He had run after her, calling her name but she hadn't stopped. He had watched, horrified, as the car had struck her down. As quickly as he could, he had run to her and scooped her into his arms, pray for her to be okay, and trying to comfort her with his love. He clutched her hand tightly before falling asleep at her side.

The following morning, Elliot was awakened by something hitting his face. Quickly realizing it was Olivia, he attempted to calm her before the nurses at the desk were alerted.

"Shhh," he whispered, holding her gently, "It's okay."

A few minutes later, he felt her relax against him, and they both fell asleep in each other's arms.

A few hours later, Olivia woke once more, and pulled away from him, before he could protest.

"What are you doing here?" she asked harshly. The last thing she remembered with Elliot was him breaking her heart yet again.

"I wanted to see you. God Liv, we've all been so worried."

"Why would _you_ be? You wanted nothing more to do with me," she stated, the earlier conversation still hurting her.

"I was just tired and angry, Liv. I didn't mean it."

"Yeah, and how often am I gonna hear that. You've hurt me so many times and each time you barely apologize and then you do it again. How often am I gonna have my heart broken because you can't control your anger?" Olivia paused, waiting for a response, when none came, she shouted, "Answer me, dammit!"

"I don't know, okay? You might have realized your affections for me years ago, but I just realized mine for you, so excuse me if I'm not happy-go-Larry all the time."

"Bugger off, you ass," Olivia stated when he had finished, attempting to role onto her side, but stopping when she realized she couldn't, "Go away, and don't come back!"

She closed her eyes, waiting for him to leave, but when it became apparent that he wasn't leaving she opened them once more and looked at him.

"What do you want? Haven't you caused me enough pain? Want to plunge another dagger into my heart? You know, maybe twist it this time, for maximum effect? Is that what you want, Elliot? IS IT?" she screamed the last few words.

Elliot looked horrified, and suddenly everything that John ever had said to him about this suddenly made sense.

"No, no. I've been trying to get you to understand what I feel about you for the last few weeks, but it seemed to backfire every time, and then, that night, I was tired and angry that we couldn't find this guy so I took it out on you, because I knew you would accept it without returning it."

"Right, so you hurt someone who you know is hopelessly in love with you just to release your anger and then you find out that they're in an accident and you come to hurt them more," she paused and continued before Elliot could interrupt, "Gee, you're really a nice guy," she ended sarcastically.

"No, Liv. You got it all wrong. I came to apologize. I came to say that I love you and I want to know if there is still a chance for us. I don't want to hurt you, I never did, and I don't want to hurt you ever again. Is there still a chance?"

"Look, Elliot. For months you've basically told me that you hate me and we can barely be friends, and now, after I have an accident, you're suddenly in love with me and you want to give 'us' a shot? You've hurt me more in the past few months than you ever have before. I don't even know if I trust you anymore," she said sadly.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I really am, but maybe," he paused, thinking, "Maybe we can be friends first, and then move on?"

Olivia paused for a few minutes, seemingly considering his offer before knodding and placing her uninjured hand in his, "Friends for now," she said softly, almost to herself.

"Friends for now," he repeated just as quietly, as she nodded once more. On a sudden burst of impulse he leant forward and pulled her face up to his where their lips met. Sensations exploded once more, but it was different this time. Neither knew why, but there was a tenderness that had not been present earlier, and this made the sensation of each other's lips more wonderful.

Reluctantly they broke apart, and Olivia leant her head on his shoulder and drifted off to sleep once more, as Elliot ran his fingers through her hair and lightly dozed.

Later that day, after both Elliot and Olivia had fallen asleep, Don and Casey came to visit them.

Taking in the image of the two of them curled up together, Casey said softly, "It's about time, isn't it?"

"I don't know how she found it in herself to forgive him. He's put her through hell for months, and she's instantly forgiven him. I don't know how she does that."

"It's not that hard to believe, Don. She really does love him, and although it looks like she's fully forgiven him, I don't think she's ready to trust him yet. That might take some time," Casey said knowledgeably.

"It seems you have some experience in this matter?" Don said, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, let's just say, I hope theirs turns out better than mine did."

And with that comment they both turned to go, leaving Elliot and Olivia oblivious to the visit and safely wrapped in each other's arms.


	14. Trust

**Trust**

The following morning, at the hospital, Olivia awoke and found herself wrapped securely in the arms of her partner. Remembering the conversation the previous day, she snuggled in closer and let herself drift off once more.

At around eleven the following day, Elliot woke, being asked the move by the nurse.

"Sorry, sir, but I need to check a few things."

Elliot nodded and moved to stand, but Olivia, who was still asleep, attempted to pull him closer, saying, "No, El, don't go. Come back," when Elliot continued to move away, she said, "Please come back."

Elliot's heart tugged at the sadness in her voice. Though Olivia was still asleep, it was clear that she was terrified that Elliot was leaving her.

"Shhh, 'Livia," he said wrapping his arms around her, "Shhh. I'm right here. I won't leave you."

Olivia opened her eyes, and realizing that Elliot was present, she flung herself further into his arms and snuggled in closer.

"I thought you were gone. I thought you left again," Olivia mumbled into his chest as she hugged him tighter.

"Hey," he whispered, ignoring the nurse, "I won't leave you. I promise."

For the next few days, Elliot and Olivia were almost inseparable, staying together at the hospital and also at her apartment. They began to regain their friendship, and trust that had been there previously. It also deepened, as there was an underlying reason to build their relationship further.

Ten days after Olivia's accident, she was ready to go back to work. Though she would be on desk duty for a couple more days, maybe a week, she was relieved to be working once more. When she got to the Squad room, she was bombarded with questions.

"How are you?"

"Are you ready to come back?"

"Are you leaving?"

"Is that - " Olivia cut him off.

"I am fine, and I am here to work. I won't be on active duty for another week or so. And I have no intention of leaving at the moment."

Noting with some concern, that Olivia said she wasn't leaving at the moment, Munch asked, "Are you planning to?"

"Leave?" Olivia questioned, and Munch nodded, "Not currently."

Although, this did not answer Munch's concerns, he let the matter slide until he could talk to her in private. For the remainder of the day, it seemed almost as if everything was back to normal. The teasing and laughter was present, and no one seemed to be edgy, which was a relief for the squad.

Later that evening, when Olivia and Elliot returned to her apartment, he confronted her about the statements she had made at the station.

"What did you mean that you weren't planning to leave at the moment?" he asked, and the betrayal in his voice was evident.

"What?" Olivia asked, she had forgotten about the questions in the morning, as she had just solved a four year old rape case.

"When you arrived at the station, you said that you weren't planning on leaving at the moment. When Munch asked you about it, you were still ambiguous. Are you planning on leaving?"

While Olivia understood what Elliot was talking about, she had no desire to answer his questions, and every desire to avoid another argument. Especially since they seemed to be finally getting their friendship and trust back.

"I'm not planning on leaving," Olivia said, though she silently added _'at the moment.' _

"You mean, you're staying here for good? You have no intention of ever leaving New York City?"

"Well, at some point I would leave. I mean, if I want to have a vacation, I'm not going to do it in New York, am I?" she asked, still avoiding the issue.

"Don't avoid the subject, Olivia. Are you or are you not planning on leaving this city?"

"At the moment, NO!" she said loudly, still trying to avoid the subject. The truth was that if her relationship attempt with Elliot didn't work, she had every reason to leave immediately and never look back. If it did, then she could safely say that she was not going to leave New York, unless they both wished it.

"Can't you drop the subject?" she asked, as Elliot looked at her in betrayal, "I said, I'm not planning to leave now."

He didn't answer her, just asked another question. One which would ensure a fight, he thought, "Why can't you answer the question?"

"What do you want me to say?" she asked, annoyed, angry and hurt at him not being able to drop the subject, "What do you want me to say?" she yelled.

"Very simple," he answered with an annoyingly calm voice, "Are you leaving?"

"I don't know," she shouted, pushed to the edge, " I don't know, alright?"

"Why not? You're either leaving or you're staying. It's very simple," he said, though it was clear his words did not have the desired effect.

"Look," she said calmly, though there was barely controlled anger in her voice, "I don't know if I am leaving, because circumstances surrounding that are still in negotiation."

"What the hell are you talking about? What circumstances? What negotiation?" Elliot questioned, confused.

"I'm going to say this once, and I'm not repeating it. It is never to be mentioned again. Understand?" she asked, and Elliot nodded, thoroughly confused, "If this works, I stay. If it doesn't, I go."

"Oh," he stated softly.

Olivia left Elliot in his confused daze, while she made dinner. Throughout the meal there was an uncomfortable silence, both minds still dwelling on the previous discussion. When Olivia could bear it no more, she said quietly, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just can't deal with another couple of months like that."

"I understand that, I do. I just never realized that you're happiness kind of depends on me."

Olivia looked at him incredulously, "What?"

"Well, the way you were talking it was like I had two choices. I make you happy in a relationship and you stay or I don't start a relationship and you go. What if I want you to stay, but not in a relationship?"

"But," she said, her voice trembling, "But you said that you wanted to be friends first, and then move onto something more. Was that a lie? Has everything you told me been a lie?" When Elliot didn't say anything, she screamed, "HAS IT? ANSWER ME! IS IT A LIE?"

"No," he said very quietly, "It wasn't a lie. It still isn't."

"But you said that you wanted me to stay, but not be in a relationship with you. I don't understand," she said, her lips trembling, and her voice sounding almost broken.

"No, Liv. I mean, if we don't work out, then I want you to stay. I want to try, I do, but if it doesn't work, then please stay." He looked horrified as Olivia's eyes filled with tears and they cascaded down her cheeks.

She leapt from her standing position, and flung herself into his arms, snuggling tightly into his chest and taking comfort from his arms.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, "I'm so sorry. I thought you wanted to go back to being friends, and nothing else," her voice broke as she sobbed in earnest, "I'm so sorry."

"Shhh. Hey, don't worry," Elliot said as they moved toward the couch. For a while, they remained as they were, tightly hugging each other, and taking comfort from one another.

"What'd you say we finish dinner?" He asked once Olivia had calmed down. Olivia nodded but didn't release her hold.

"Well," he said, laughing, "If you don't let go, I can't get you dinner."

Olivia shrugged and cuddled him closer. When she spoke her voice was muffled due to the sweater Elliot was wearing.

"Do you," she paused, uncertain, "Do you want to move on to the next part?"

"Next part?" he asked, once again confused. It seemed to him, wherever Olivia was concerned, or women in general, he was always confused.

Olivia hugged him tighter and her voice became even more muffled, but her reply was distinct, "Move from friends to lovers."

"Oh," he said, a little taken aback at Olivia's change of mind. It had only been a few days ago when she had said that she didn't know if she could trust him enough to be her friend, let alone her lover.

Olivia, getting no reply from Elliot, disengaged herself. "I'm sorry. I just thought that maybe it would be better, and I really do want to. But I'm scared and I just realized that the longer I take over this the harder it's going to be and I really do love you, but I -" Elliot cut her off.

"Yes," he said simply.

_(I'm a little unsure if I should continue this story or not. I would appreciate it, if in your reviews, you would let me know what you think. Thanks.)_


	15. Lovers

**Lovers **

For the next few weeks, Elliot and Olivia became accustomed to their new relationship. While this brought many luxuries that they had previously not been able to engage in, there were also slight drawbacks. One such occasion, was informing Elliot's children, who were currently in the supervised care of their mother.

**_Flashback Begin _**

_"Hey guys," Elliot said, as the door was opened by his children, eagerly waiting to have a weekend with their father. _

_Each child was gently hugged and kissed by Elliot, and there was an excited clamoring as each was trying to get out the door the fastest. However, Kathleen, who was first out the door stopped when she reached the car. _

_Standing beside the car, Olivia stood nervously, obviously waiting for the children to come. _

_"Hi Kathleen," she said uncertainly, as the young woman glared at her. _

_"What's she doing here?" she asked. _

_"We were planning to spend the weekend together, with you," Elliot said, but before he could continue Olivia interrupted. _

_"I won't come unless you want me to. I don't want to impose," Olivia said, as she took in the glances and accusing looks that were being hurled at her. _

_No one replied to Olivia's statement, and she took their silence as a sign that she was not welcome. _

_"I might see you later," she said to Elliot, reaching up and kissing him gently. With that, she quickly jumped in her car and sped off. _

_Elliot looked after her, and he was sure he saw a tear roll down her cheek. "Was that really necessary?" _

_None of the children, answered the question, but Kathleen said, "It's our weekend with you, and I don't think she should intrude." _

_"Kathleen, when you live with you mother, does she have a boyfriend?" Kathleen nodded, "And do you make him feel unwelcome?" _

_Kathleen shook her head, and Elliot continued, "Then why must you do that to Olivia?" _

_"But she split Mum and you up. She should pay for what she did." _

_Elliot gasped, "Where did you get that idea? Olivia had nothing to do with your mother and me." _

_"Mum said she was responsible and then you tried again, and it seemed to be working and then out of nowhere you split up again and you're with Olivia." _

_"Listen to me carefully, all of you. Olivia has nothing to do with Kathy and me. Our marriage faded away due to nothing but faults from ourselves, not anyone else. As for my being with Olivia, it only happened recently, and I would like nothing to jeopardize that. Your mother can date other people, without you making a fuss, so why can't I?" _

_The children looked slightly lost. It occurred to Elliot that none of his children had actually thought about the consequences of their actions thoroughly. _

_A small voice suddenly spoke, "Can we go see 'Livia." _

_Elliot looked around for the voice, and saw Lizzie looking sad, and very apologetic. She had always been the closest with Olivia after Maureen, who wasn't present. He nodded, and the three children piled into the car. _

_As they arrived at Olivia's apartment, Kathleen looked around at the building. _

_"Why does she live here?" she asked, "The apartment's are tiny." _

_"Well," Elliot stated, "She's not home much, and she doesn't share it with anyone. I think it's the first apartment that she ever owned." _

_"What?" she asked astonished, "Why would she never move?" _

_"You might want to ask her that yourself. In the meantime, why don't you apologize to Liv." _

_He knocked on the door, and they all waited a moment or two before it was opened. Olivia looked as though she had been either cleaning or throwing. Her face was red, and she was wearing the most disgusting combination of clothing that Elliot had ever seen. _

_"What are you doing here?" she asked, as she took in the sight of the three apologetic children and their father, "I thought you were going camping this weekend?" _

_Before Elliot could respond, Kathleen spoke, "Liv, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel unwelcome or anything, I was just shocked. Dad made me realize that I was being selfish and not treating him and mum the same. I guess it's time I let go of their marriage." She added as an afterthought. _

_Olivia stood aside, and allowed the children and Elliot to pass through and enter her apartment. _

_"Thank you, Kathleen, but there is no reason to apologize. I understand that you might not want your father and I in a relationship." _

_"But," Kathleen started, "But, I was ho - " _

_Olivia cut her off, "Don't worry. Would you like something to drink?" she asked everyone. As they all nodded in affirmation, Elliot reached down, and caressed Olivia's lips lightly, "Thank you," he said quietly. _

**_Flashback End _**

After that afternoon, the children and Olivia grew closer, and the couple's relationship seemed cemented. They had yet to inform the Captain, but it seemed that he approved of the relationship, under the principle, of "What I don't see, I don't know."

As long as they kept their relationship in the office purely platonic, the Captain wouldn't have anything to say about the fact that they arrived together, left together and were occasionally late.

Approximately eight months after they had been dating, Elliot went to Munch for help for the first time.

"John," he asked, and Munch looked up from his work. Seeing it was Elliot, and that he was wearing the same confused look on his face that he seemed to have permanently at the beginning of the catastrophe, Munch groaned.

"I need your help."

"What?" he asked, trying to keep the annoyed tone out of his voice. He thought they were past the 'I'm lost' stage.

"I need a ring."

"Huh?" Munch was flabbergasted. "Huh?" he repeated.

"I need a ring. I'm going to propose," Elliot said proudly.

"What do you need my help for?" Munch asked.

"Well, you've been married four times. I figured you'd know more about spotting the right ring than I would."

Munch nodded, and they headed out to one of the most expensive ring stores in New York.

Two weeks later, Elliot took Olivia out to one of the most romantic restaurants in New York. At the end of the dinner, in which they discussed everything and nothing, Elliot began to get nervous.

"Are you alright?" Olivia asked, as she reached across the table and held his hands.

Elliot nodded, though his palms were sweating.

"Olivia, I have something very important to ask you. You know that I love you, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You mean more to me than anything or anyone, and I don't think I could live without you." He paused, taking in a breath and opening the little black box in his hand, "Liv, will you marry me?"

"Yes," she said softly.

_(That's it. I'm not writing anything else. Sorry if the end was a little quick, but I'm trying to finish my stories. This story is completed – finally!)_


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